How To Live A Happy Life

By Brian Z Stiffler 2012

“When I was 5 years old my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon

There are some major common factors which contribute to the level of happiness we experience in our daily lives, like, our passions, expectations, achievements, our personalities etc. It is different for each one of us to find happiness; some of us find it in our goals while some explore it in their marriages or relationships.

Do you know what happiness means to you? Our answers to this question will definitely be different from each others’, that’s why I said it is different for each one of us to find happiness. You need to take your time out and define what happiness means to you.

It is hard to define happiness; some of us are already happy but they don’t even realize it, while some people believe that happiness is a form of luck, which some people are gifted with and others are not.

If you think, that someday you will find a bag filled with happiness; then you are wrong. In my view, happiness cannot be found, but can be earned if you take the right steps.

Here are a few tips and some proven ways which you can follow to lead yourself to live a happy life. I have had immense success in achieving happiness by incorporating some of them into my life.

1. Stop comparing yourself or your life with others’

This is a very common and destructive daily habit which crushes your self esteem. Comparing yourself to others might sometimes make you feel blessed, but more often, it compels you to feel inferior to others.

The thing about comparison is that there is never a win, and it mostly leaves us coming up short. When you compare yourself to someone you perceive as being, having or doing more; it’s never a fair comparison.

Come to think of it, how do you think you can size up if you are taking the strengths of others, and comparing them to your weaknesses? Even if you compare strength to strength, there will always be those who are better than you, and those who are worse than you.

A useful way to keep these negative comparisons to a minimum in your life is to compare yourself to only yourself. It is natural to compare ourselves to others, and most of the times we do it unconsciously; so, instead of training your mind to stop comparing altogether, you should start comparing what you are now to what you were in your past, and keep the comparison within.

“Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.” ~ Irving Berlin.

2. Have Flow experiences.

“Flow experience” is a concept given by Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, which describes the moments when a person is entirely obsessed in such an activity which requires both a high level of challenge and a high level of skill.

When you are having your flow experience, it makes you forget about everything and you are no longer aware of anything going on around you. It grabs all of your concentration, nothing else matters to you and the rest of the world is forgotten. You are so much focused on the activity you are engaged in, that you become unaware of your present time, your past, your future, and even yourself.

You may find your flow experiences with any activity according to your interests; which demands you to actively participate in it. For example, reading, painting, dancing, singing, gardening, enthusiastic conversation. But remember the first point, the activity should require both, a high level of challenge and a high level of skill; High challenge with low skill causes anxiety, while low challenge with high skill makes you bored.

Flow experiences bring relaxation, well being and happiness to a person. The more flow experiences we have, the happier we are, so have them often.

3. Stop putting conditions on your happiness… Be unconditionally happy.

The reason why it is challenging for a lot of us to be happy is that we put conditions on our happiness. People have a tendency to blame the circumstances for their unhappiness; because, their happiness becomes contingent upon a set of circumstances, over which they usually have no control.

Putting conditions on your happiness gives your desires a great amount of influence over your personal satisfaction, and makes you a slave of your own thoughts. For example, thinking, “If I could just… get a job/ have better working conditions/ get a girlfriend/ earn some more money… then I would be happy”.

Rather than that, we should start approaching things with a positive attitude; because bad circumstances might not be able to change our attitudes, but a positive attitude can change the bad circumstances.

Do you appreciate it when someone demands you to act in a certain way so they can feel good? Not likely. So stop doing it to others; because neither you are responsible for their happiness, nor are they. The only way to be a successful person is to let people do whatever they like, and stop expecting anything.

Choose to be happy! It isn’t conditional, it’s a choice.

“He alone is the happy man who has learned to extract happiness not from ideal conditions but from actual ones about him.” – Anonymous.

4. Have sex more often (Only for those who have sexual relationships)

This might not be too surprising for many of us, but there is a great relation between sex and happiness. Having sex with our partner helps our body system in generating happy hormones. Men and women both feel happy by having sex; In fact, one of the studies found that sex makes women happier than any other activity.

Having enough sex can boost your self-esteem, happiness, and productivity; it makes you feel loved and desirable. Your bedroom conditions definitely affect your behavior and work performance in office, because it causes you to be happier and healthier not only physically, but also emotionally and psychologically. Plus, it’s the purest and the most natural way of killing your stress.

Sex strengthens your bond with your partner; because sex is a give-and-take process. It’s all about communicating and understanding in a non-verbal manner. Having good sex with your partner three or four times a week sets you well to be the most desirable person for them.

Sex is a beautiful gift from our Creator; it connects us to nature, and gives us the experience of one of its most wonderful pleasures, which cannot be experienced by any man-made luxury.

5. Be health conscious.

Having a sound mind and body contributes a great deal to a happy life, and lacking it might cause great distress. It’s difficult to be happy if one is not healthy; because, when a person is physically down, it’s unlikely for him to taste real happiness.

Having a healthy diet improves your mood, gives a boost to your happiness quotient and lowers your stress hormones; which means you can sleep better, think more clearly and have great energy.

Having a healthy, balanced diet, provides your body all the nutrients which are necessary for it to maintain its normal functions, and allows your body system to run smoother and better; when your body is working well, It makes all the bodily tasks such as thinking, moving, sleeping, healing come easier.

“We are what we eat”

Not only does being health conscious bring more happiness to your life, it also allows you to finally take charge over your weight, which is a difficult thing to acquire.

Have a healthy diet plan; do exercise out in the greenery; workout; stay happy.

Brian Stiffler is a relationship expert and counsellor. He has helped and inspired many couples, entrepreneurs and other individuals through his written work and seminars. For more of his work, visit []

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